Author Archives: LaDonna

Baby Steps

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QSRYOOTVNS

My son learned to walk this week. Well, sort of. Being a baby novice, I always imagined that once his brain figured out how to get his legs to get moving he would instantly be a pro at it, but actually, baby walking seems to involve just a few steps and a lot of falling. As I read up about this new phase, I was so struck by this sentence:  “Try not to get upset when he falls, and resist the urge to rush to his aid unless he’s really hurt.”

Ummm what?

My precious little adorable baby who has never spent more than three hours out of my sight just fell and I absolutely must rush to his side and kiss him all over and give him a yoghurt melt for trying.

“Falling is an inevitable part of learning to walk.”

Babies learn balance gradually. One-quarter of the bones in the human body are in the feet along with more than 100 muscles, tendons and ligaments, that all need to be strengthened and developed. And the only way that sweet baby is going to succeed at learning to walk is by trying (failing) and trying (failing) and trying (failing). As much as my mother heart wants to drop everything and pick him up, he needs to learn to get back up and get going again, because the fall is what teaches him how to walk.

Mike and I have been learning to walk this year. We’ve stepped out of our walkers and we are learning to walk by faith, away from all the comforts that we normally hold on to. And we’ve fallen. We’ve fallen over and over again. And sometimes it can feel like ummm hey God? You called us out here. You waved these dreams and plans in front of our faces and we tried to get there but we fell and we’re just lying here, why aren’t You coming to pick us up?

Because He’s teaching us. Because through the falls we’re finding our balance. Because a quarter of our bones and muscles of faith are still developing. He’s not leaving us here in despair, He’s teaching us- by faith and not by sight, by trial and error, by falling and getting up- He’s teaching us to walk so that we can get there in the black.

The One who calls you is faithful, and He will establish you. -1 Thessalonians 5:24

behind a truck

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Even though I live less than 20 miles from the metro station, it can easily become an hour trip with rush hour traffic. Oh the joys of being a Northern Virginian commuter. Because of my great love of sleep, I’ve become adept at navigating this treacherous trip as efficiently as possible. I know exactly what time I need to leave, what lights change the fastest, which Starbucks has the shortest line, and what lane out of the four on 66 will ultimately get me there fastest. I’ve studied the Weavers, watching them swerve back and forth between lanes, but by the time we reach the exit all their activity hasn’t made a difference, so I stay in my well chosen lane, and 9 times out of 10 I exit before them. Sometimes though, especially when I’m extra tired, my magic lane doesn’t seem to be working. I start to notice the trip is taking longer than usual. People are passing me but I’m not passing anyone. I try to resist the temptation to change lanes, having been suckered into that route before only to come to a complete stop while my previous lane surges forward. I can only resist the urge for so long however, before I take the plunge and switch lanes. And the worst feeling is when I pull in to the other lane and realize that traffic isn’t actually that bad. It’s actually moving freely for miles. I just couldn’t see it because I was behind a truck.

As frustrating as that is, what’s worse is when I come to this realization in my personal life. I’m just sailing along on dreams of the big picture, of what I’m going to accomplish, of my 3-5 year plan, of the things that I think are important, and I don’t even notice the 40mph semi in front of my face. The “little” things that have piled up and are slowing me down.

  • Gossip.
  • Lies.
  • Selfishness.
  • Unforgiveness.
  • Jealousy.
  • Discontent.

Ugly words. Ugly words that I hate to associate with who I am, but my loathing doesn’t change the facts; that even the slightest indulgence in any of these sins will begin to slow me down, and that it happens more often than it should.

-Letting that malicious tone tint my stories.
-Exaggerating situations and events.
-Not freely giving what I have freely received.
-Withholding affection because I was wronged.
-Wishing I could live down the road from my mom too.
-Wondering why I’m not further ahead than I am.

Jesus said, “Put your mind on your life with God. The way to life- to God! – is vigorous and requires your total attention.” (Luke 13:24 MSG)

Your total attention. I don’t want to live on autopilot, only to discover that I’ve been stuck behind a truck, wasting valuable time. I want to live the life that Jesus intended for me. Effectively. Profitably. Strategically.

I want to live in the black.

-lf